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Richard Keats

Start of the Match

"It's official... we're fucked!"
―Starting a match that isn't single-player
"It's not my fault! Navarro distracted me!"
―Starting a match when another player is playing as Michael Navarro
"So I'm the only one who survived the crash?... Eh, I blame Navarro..."
―Starting a single-player match

Weapons

"Only a non-Keats' Firearms weapon could be this horrible."
―Obtaining a bad weapon
"*Sigh* It will do..."
―Obtaining a decent weapon
"Man, this thing is small. Hopefully it will work..."
―Obtaining a pistol
"Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it guys? Shayla? Fuck you."
―Obtaining a shotgun when a player is Shayla Cohen and there is at least two other players with male characters
"Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it guys? Fuck you."
―Obtaining a shotgun when there is more then one other player that has a male character, and Shayla Cohen is not present in the match
"Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it Shayla? Fuck you."
―Obtaining a shotgun on two-player when the other player is Shayla Cohen
"Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it Navarro? Fuck you."
―Obtaining a shotgun on two-player when the other player is Michael Navarro
"Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it Chris? Fuck you."
―Obtaining a shotgun on two-player when the other player is Christopher Nooring
"Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it Doug? I know, it was a good joke, wasn't it!?"
―Obtaining a shotgun on two-player when the other player is playing as the secret unlockable character, Douglas
"Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! I'm funny!"
―Obtaining a shotgun on one-player
"Now all I need is a shot glass!"
―Obtaining a shotgun
"Aww... the most iconic weapon of my company! And so cheap too!"
―Buying the LEH-1 (650 Points)
"Why do I always have to get this Jap-Crap!?"
―Getting the Arisaka from the Auto-Changer Machine
"A pistol worthy of Keats' Firearms!"
―Getting the Desert Eagle from the Auto-Changer Machine
"It's not a Keats' Firearms weapon, and yet it is useful! Is this even possible!?"
―Getting the FG42 from the Auto-Changer Machine
"This isn't even logical! How on earth did they create something like this? Aw, fuck it, I'm using it anyway!"
―Getting the Gersch Device from the Auto-Changer Machine
"Why doesn't my company have something like this? NAVARRO! ADD A BLACK HOLE BOMB TO THE WISH LIST!"
―Getting the Gersch Device from the Auto-Changer Machine in a match were another player is Michael Navarro
"I spent 1000 points to get this!? When I could of spent 650 points to get it!? Stupid machine! Your ripping me off!"
―Getting the LEH-1 from the Auto-Changer Machine
"Odd... why does this have Warsaw Camo when no other weapon from this stupid machine does?... It looks nice."
―Getting the Spectre w/ Warsaw Camo and Reflex Sight from the Auto-Changer Machine
"CURSE YOU! YOU STUPID, WORTHLESS, MACHINE!"
―Getting the Springfield w/ Scope from the Auto-Changer Machine
"What the hell is this supposed to be!?"
―Getting the WA2000 w/ Thermal Scope from the Auto-Changer Machine
"This is definitly a wonderful weapon!"
―Getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Auto-Changer Machine
"Such a wonderful weapon! We need something like this!"
―Getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Auto-Changer Machine
"Such a wonderful weapon! We need something like this! Navarro! Add a "wonderful weapon" to the wish list!"
―Getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Auto-Changer Machine (if another player is playing as Michael Navarro)

Power-Ups

"Money for all!"
―Getting Double Points in a non-single-player match
"Now I can instantly kill them!? Well, that would already be the case if I was using a KF weapon, but thanks anyway strange demonic voice!"
―Getting Insta-Kill when you don't have any Keat's Firearms weapons
"Maximum ammo means MAXIMUM FUN!"
―Getting Max Ammo
"Well, the Chaingun I made is much better, but it will have to do!"
―Getting Death Machine

Zombie Reactions

"Fear the wrath of Keats' Firearms!"
―Randomly said while fighting Zombie[src]
"Fear the wrath of Keats' Firearms!.... Please?"
―Randomly said while fighting zombies
"You are dead!"
―After killing a zombie
"You don't kill me, I kill you!"
―Killing a zombie right after getting hit by said zombie
"Look at them all fall before my might! Ha ha!"
―Killing multiple zombies in a non-single-player match
"OKAY EVERYONE! CLASS IS IN SESSION! TAKE YOUR SEATS! I SAID TAKE YOUR SEATS!"
―Going on a massive killing spree (Reference to the Machinima series, Freeman's Mind)
"DAMN IT BILLY, YOU TOO!"
―Getting a headshot after the above quote is said (Reference to the Machinima series, Freeman's Mind)
"Wow, my company ought to make one of these!"
―Killing a group of zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2
"A bullet to the head will make any zombie dead!"
―Getting a headshot

Easter Eggs

"Ooookaaaayyyy.... This isn't odd or anything..."
―Activating the hidden song, "Zombie Paradise"

Other

"God, these things smell! Have they ever heard of a bath!"
―Randomly when zombies are in sight
"For the first time in my life, I don't have enough money to buy what I want! This sucks!"
―Trying to buy something you don't have enough points for
"Aww... Navarro, look! The cute little rescue dogs are coming to save us!!.... Oh... crap...."
―A Hound Round starts and another player is playing as Michael Navarro
"Why!? Why can't the security gaurds be on our side!?"
―A Security Round starts in a non-single-player match\
"Why!? Why can't the security gaurds be on my side!?"
―A Security Round starts in a single-player match
"Double the enemy means double the death!"
―A Death Round starts
"Double the enemy means double the death! Let's just make sure that death doesn't apply to any of us!"
―A Death Round starts
"Come on you stupid piece of plastic! Get me something good for once!"
―Using the Auto-Changer Machine after 3 bad weapons in a row have been obtained form it.
"Well, that's a lucky break!"
―The second half of the map is opened


Michael Navarro

Start of the Match

Weapons

Power-Ups

Zombie Reactions

Easter Eggs

"It's just a lie? I wonder what that is supposed to mean?"
―Seeing the message on the wall

Other

Shayla Cohen

Start of the Match

"You know, if I was the one driving we wouldn't be stuck in this fucking place!"
―Start of the Match

Weapons

"*sigh* Keats never shut ups about this stupid thing."
―Obtaining the LEH-1

Power-Ups

Zombie Reactions

Easter Eggs

"What's just a lie? Fuck it, I don't care."
―Seeing the message on the wall

Other

Christopher Nooring

Start of the Match

"Weeeeelllll..... we're screwed."
―Start of the match

Weapons

Power-Ups

Zombie Reactions

"God damn it, that hurt!"
―Getting hit by a zombie

Easter Eggs

"What's just a lie? Cake? I don't understand."
―Seeing the message on the wall

Other

Notes

What weapons are what?

Good, Decent, or Bad

Best
Good
Decent
Bad

SMG, Shotgun, etc.

Pistols
SMGs
Semi-Automatic Rifles
Assault Rifles
Light Machine Guns
Rocket Launchers
Shotguns
Sniper Rifles
Grenades
Special Grenades
Mines
Mine Launchers
Energy Weapons
Wonder Weapons
Lies
Source
Maps LockdownUsopirePmawsSanronShattered RealityThe LieCohenClockwork
Spin-Off Maps Dead CitySpace BaseDead Lies Arcade
Playable Characters Richard KeatsMichael NavarroShayla CohenChristopher NooringDaniel Orien
Enemies Security ZombieTerrorantulaRemainsTime Turner
Utilities Auto-Changer MachineOne-Way ShieldPositive and Negative Worlds

Perk-A-Punch Machine

Achievements Slayer of BeastsStep Away From the Animal!Field TesterArachnophobicRemember Me!?MinerThe Truth • Blast From the Past • Back to the Future • Lockdown • Shattered • Fear the Reaper • Penultimate • Abandoned
Power Weapons KWW-1KWW-2KWW-3TMD-5201
Musical Easter Eggs Zombie ParadiseIn Search of BrainsKill a ZombieSocks With SandalsIdiotsThe LieYou'll Be Gone
Perk-A-Cola's

Super Sale SodaSuper Strength SodaSuper Speed SodaSuper Space SodaSocksnsandals Soda

Concussion ColaSalvager

Cut Content Want You Dead
Miscellaneous Keats' FirearmsSan Kan CityPack-a-Punched Weapons
Quotes LockdownUsopirePmawsSanronShattered RealityThe LieTeleportation • [[Clockwork/Quotes|Clockwork

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